HAPPY 56 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY, I hope you forgive me


Your eyes shine bright,
So gentle and kind.

From the very first moment,
I knew you would be mine.

I didn’t know how
Or where to start.

So I chose how I feel,
I chose my heart.

The first time we talked,
I couldn’t find the words.

As if I lost my voice,
Carried away by the birds.

Even now I get nervous,
Watching everything I do.

I still get butterflies,
Because of my love for you.


Forgive Me 28

Happy 56 Months Anniversary Mila. I don’t know where to start, should I start by saying I am sorry or should I start by saying I love you. Well I will start with both. I am sorry, I know the past month I have given nothing but disappointment and waiting to you. I have hurt you so much this month that I really don’t have enough words to say how much I am sorry for each of my stupid mistake. All I did was give you explanations and reasons of why I made mistakes but its not just I was trying to justify myself. I really felt the pain I have caused you and I want you to believe me when I say that it hurt me as much as it hurt you. I cannot take back all the tears you have cried for my stupid mistakes. I know I could even say correct and right words when I am with you. I’m afraid, I am ashamed, I am guilt filled and don’t know how to show how much I regret all my stupidity. I wish there was way I could take all the time that I have made you wait and then convert it into happiness, I would even if it took my life I would do it without blinking an eye. In just the past few days of circumstances have got my love to be questioned, the love is so so much in me for you that if there was a measure, the whole universe would be a single unit of the measure up to infinity. I have always lost so much due to my stupidity and when came the one thing that meant the world and so much more than anything to me, I am messing it up and I have had enough of messing up. I messed up enough and I will not anymore. I have caused you so much pain and I have had enough of giving  you pain. You deserve happiness and I will be good enough to give you what you deserve, I will be what you deserve, You are so perfect and you will see me becoming perfect. I know I have made enough promises that I couldn’t keep, I know I have given you many words that I wasn’t able to give, but I don’t want to feel like a disappointment anymore, I don’t care about any one else, I cannot do that to you. I will be better, this I solemnly swear on my existence. Believe me I regret more than you can imagine… of the pain I have caused you and I deserved every bit of punishment that comes my way. Each tear you cried I will pay with the utmost of loves. Each night you stayed awake when I stupidly fell asleep, you will stay awake but with a smile and happiness in your eyes. Each day you had the insecurity that I am being lost I promise it will be returned with a beautiful satisfaction and trust. I know I have broken so much trust and I know it might take so much to rebuild but I am willing to even give up my life for that one purpose, to show you how much I love you, how much you mean to me and how much I care. each day I wake up feeling that I am a disappointment to the one that I love the most. Each night I wake up scared feeling I lost you. I don’t want to be afraid, I don’t want to loose  you, cause I need you more than I need the air and food and water and what ever it is that I need to exist anymore its only you that I need Mila. I dream of the smile on your face each night, I dream of watching you laugh at me once again, I dream of the words that once over flowed from your lips, I dream to hear you say I love you again. I believe in us babe and I know that its this situation that has made things even more difficult and its you who are suffering the most and I want you to know that the suffering of wait is about to end. This is my promise to myself cause I not just disappointed you in the past days I have disappointed myself. I remember once you told me that you dreamed of a faceless man and when I entered your life that empty face had become mine. I still remember the day that night when you asked me to promise you that there won’t be a night that will pass by without us making things right then and there, and I am sorry I couldn’t stand up to it. I swear each fiber of my body is bursting out and falling apart with just the thought that I might loose you for something stupid that I did. I cannot loose you whether stupid, justified or what ever it might be. I have nothing in this world I need but you. My words today might make you think he is just writing this for the sake of writing but believe me each word I am typing is from my heart. I wish there was a way I could make you see directly in my heart and it I could I would without hesitating would cut my chest open and show you that there is nothing but only you in my heart. I pray to God that he help me become the man I want to be for you, a man who will pay each tear you cried in so much love that you know nothing but love in your eyes. All I ever wanted and want for the rest of my existence is to be the one that will give you so much happiness. I don’t why God is taking so much trial and you are the one facing the consequences of my failures. I don’t want to be a failure anymore in your eyes. I want to be the man you will look at and say I am proud to call mine as I am so proud of calling you mine. I know I am not perfect and I know I am too stupid at times to even understand what happens of my stupidity and I cannot apologize enough but I am willing to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, each day you have waited, each night that went sleepless, of each nightmare you have had of loosing me. I know so many things have happened but babe I want to tell you about something that has not and will not change no matter what, I love you more than anything and any one in this world, I need you more than anything or anyone in this world, I cannot live or exist without you, there never was and there never will be any one else but you for me, I live for you, I live to love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you happily ever after, I want each day of my life to be dedicated only to you, i will never cheat on you, and I will never let go of you, I will always be protecting you, I will always care more than anyone for you, You are and you always will be the most important to me, you are and will always be my everything. I know the past few days all you could think was I was getting distant from you and was happier without you, god knows I haven’t been more miserable being without you and the things that have been happening. I don’t know how to use right words, I get so nervous of messing up I mess up even more, I cannot look, think or even relay my message in the right way. and I don’t know what is cursing me, but the more I want to be with you the more it feels situations and my stupidity comes up, its like someone’s jealousy or evil eye, I guess as translated in Brazil has something to do with mal-olhado or mau-olhado (“act of giving a bad look”) or olho gordo (“fat eye” i.e. “gluttonous eye”), I hope you got what I am trying to say here. May god keep our love far from some ones envious and jealous evil eyes. But Inshallah I know God is on our side and I know this is his trial for us and which is soon to end and bestow upon us his rewards. I want you to know Mila my angel that I am NOT getting distant from you, but I myself am miserable of the distance that is coming coming between us and all because of the mess here. Remember when I said that we are at the final turning point and at the end of the corner is the end of our wait, the end of wait that has already begun and nothing can stop it anymore. Its just a matter of days when I will be telling you that I’m on my way. I just hope you don’t give up before that, which I know you wont. Even though you had so many reasons to leave me you still dint, you said you are but you still dint, you said the love was gone but I know it isn’t, and that hope and trust and motivation is whats making me wake up each morning and helping me to go through these final days of waiting. I promise you with my life, these days of hardship are about to end, don’t give up on me now babe, and please forgive me. I promise you the best if yet to be, just don’t give up on me, for the wait is at its end you’ll see, with all my heart I swear to thee, my love for you hasn’t stopped that can never be, I love you more than anything and everything you silly! I am sorry it took so many words and I hope these words mean something to you cause they mean everything to me. Believe me these aren’t just words but a my heart’s plea, to not stop loving me my Mimmy, I am still your animoo, your babyboo, your hubby wubby, your silly booger and nanasss and so much more, I want to be that once again in your eyes babe, cause that is the real me and I cannot loose everything I am in your eyes or I am nothing at all. I love you baby, don’t give up on me I promise I din’t and wont give up on you, I promise you I am still the same and believe me being apart from you is far from fun. I don’t want to be here, far from even enjoying staying here, I want to be with you and I would be right now if I could I swear on GOD and my Mother. Just don’t give up now my love, give me back what you gave me once, the look in your eyes that stopped my heart beat, the smile that gave me life, the love that keeps me alive. Come back to me, forgive me… I love you Camila, I always have and I always and forever and ever will. Happy 56 Months Anniversary, my love, my life, my future wife, The best is yet to be, You and me, together forever and beyond life and eternity. I love you, Eu te amo, Te amo, Mein tum Pyaar karta hoon, Ich liebe dich, ti amo, wo ai ni, Ana Behibek, Je t’aime.


♥♥♥ I   L O V E   Y O U   B O O ♥♥♥
♥♥♥ I   N E E D   Y O U   B O O ♥♥♥
♥♥♥ I   A L W A Y S   H A V E ♥♥♥
♥♥♥ I   A L W A Y S   W I L L ♥♥♥

Yours and only yours forever and ever
~Anas Ahmed (Nanasss Boo, Silly booger)